My name is Uchenna Umeh, fondly called Dr. Lulu by my patients. I am a pediatrician and a mom of two teens and one young adult. I like to think of myself as a Momatrician because I have been blessed with not only my own biological children, but I have also been blessed with the opportunity of jointly raising my patients along with their parents, a role I take extremely seriously, as part of the village it takes to raise any child. I have been in clinical practice for almost 30 years now, and though the last 7 years of my life has brought with it, a divorce, a short sale of my beloved private practice, a 4-year active duty tour in the U.S Air Force as a Lt Col, and a move across the country with three young sons, all in all, it has been a great run.
The many hats I wore
In my time, I have seen many patients grow up and grow out. I have seen them come and go, some have even done me the great honor of bringing their children to see me as their pediatrician, causing me to also refer to myself as a Grand Doctor. As a pediatrician, I also double as a social worker, a counselor, a confidante, a friend, an adversary, a buddy, an educator, an advocate, and a lactation consultant, to name a few. I have loved being a physician, and enjoyed counseling pregnant moms, attending high-risk deliveries, performing circumcisions, counseling new moms and dads, performing routine physicals on children, teens and young adults, taking care of acute ailments ranging from asthma to head lice to ringworms to pinworms, dealing with teen anxiety about college, to parental anxiety about their teens’ departures to college. I have tended to broken hearts and tended to broken Barbie dolls. I have had to tell moms their sons are gay, and dads their daughters have been raped. I have even had to tell a guardian grandmother that her only grandson was HIV positive.
I have testified in court and attended funerals for patients and their family members. I have counseled a teen mom to keep her unplanned and unwanted pregnancy and supported another whose obstetrician had suggested a termination of the pregnancy when the fetus was simply not viable. I have lent a shoulder to a mother crying about a cancer diagnosis in her child and listened helplessly as a mother recounted the story of how her “formerly healthy” football player-son fell to his death during a game from the rare condition called commotio cordis. I have mourned a mother’s pregnancy that ended in a 36 week stillbirth and rejoiced with a 46 year old mom who after 19 years of marriage, finally had her first baby girl, exactly 10 months after she adopted another. I have attended graduations of my college-bound high school seniors, and watched teary eyed, as fathers give away their beloved daughters at weddings. I cried with a mom whose daughter ran away after repeated sexual abused by a family member and rejoiced when another mom was awarded custody of her children following a difficult divorce court battle. I have tried to explain to parents why their teens behaviors are considered normal and tried to justify the treatment of ADHD with stimulants whose side effects might not be all that desirable. I have tried to convince “non-vaxxers” that vaccines are not part of a huge conspiracy theory; they are actually necessary and effective, and talked till I was blue in the face about breastfeeding and the concept of “breast is best”. I once had a grandmother who knew instinctively that “something was wrong with her granddaughter’s eye” even though two separate visits to an ophthalmologist missed the retinoblastoma diagnosis and have tried in vain to convince patients that acne on their child’s face is not caused by “acid from sodas”. My war against indiscriminate use of antibiotics is now at epic proportions and these days I am having to continuously prove to people that my medical degree beats that of Dr. Google…!
I remember staying up all night during a call as an intern back in Nigeria, performing an exchange blood transfusion on a baby born with life-threatening ABO incompatibility (his blood type and his mother’s blood type were severely mismatched), only to return the next night, to learn that the baby had succumbed to the disease. I also remember performing a routine circumcision on a baby at my office here in the US (a procedure I had performed numerous times before) which ended up with significant blood loss enough to almost cost the little baby his life. I could go on and on, because there are many more where these stories came from. Like the time a 9yr old girl was brought in by her concerned grandmother seeking a second opinion in relation to the patient’s recent bouts of urinary tract infections. She had-had a total of six infections in the last few months. During her exam, I discovered an abdominal mass the size of a 20-week pregnancy. She ended up having a stage 4 cancer that had originated in her pelvis and spread to her lungs. She fought that menacing disease like an Amazon, and survived 5 years, a rare feat in a cancer of that stage. I still think about her to this day.
Of all these cases which enrich my memory and story bank, none of them got to me like that of little “Miguel” a 6 year old boy whom I met for the first time in May of 2018 after he attempted suicide not once, but twice. I shall come back to Miguel’s story later.
I bleed pediatrics
I love medicine, I really love pediatrics. I often say I will first bleed pediatrics, then red blood, followed by a mix of red blood and pediatrics if I ever sustain a laceration. I have been blessed to find a career which I love and actually have a passion for. So why then am I quitting medicine? Why would anyone who has as much love and passion for what she does, ever think of leaving it? My wife and a few friends and family members and co-workers (okay, pretty much everyone) tell me as often as they can, that I am one of the few adults they know that truly found their calling. I don’t only love to practice pediatrics, I also love to teach pediatrics, and have taken pride in molding many residents, medical students, nurses, mid-level providers and even my colleagues in the practice of medicine my way. Then why did I put in my 60 day notice on the 18th of August 2018, with no intent to go back?
Teen Mental Illness on the Rise
I experienced the first completed suicide of a patient, 15 year-old “Gavin” (name changed) in 2008. Gavin had come in to see me in the company of his mother that day early in the year. I had met Gavin and his sister before. I had seen them in the office multiple times. I knew their mother fairly well. She was a good mom, a hands-on mom, usually had a slight air of anxiety when it came to her kids. That afternoon, she was concerned that Gavin might be experimenting with drugs and wanted to know for sure, asking me to do a urine drug screen. While I obliged her, I also had a good talk with Gavin, and it turned out that he was not experimenting with drugs, he was depressed. I arrived at my diagnosis the proper way, with an independent interview, and a PHQ-9 (modified teen depression scale) screen. His scores were nearly off the chart. I circled back to his mom with my findings, and she said “oh, depression?”, “that’s all he has?”, “I too was depressed, and I did OK, he is going to be fine”. She opted against any medication or any counseling at that time. Fast forward to 4th of July that year, Gavin reportedly walked into the front lawn of his family home, in front of his festive unsuspecting family members, placed the nozzle of a double-barreled shot gun in his mouth and pulled the trigger. I am still tormented by that picture to this day.
Since Gavin however, I have noticed a steady increase in the number of patients presenting to my office with depression, anxiety, self-harming behavior and suicidal thoughts. I have had so many cutters, too numerous to count, I have had children attempt suicide in various ways; I had an 11 year old attempting to jump off a window ledge from their 2 story home when she was accosted by her mother. I had a 16 year old female attempt to hang herself in her closet, saved only by the timely snapping of beam, she fell to the ground, discovered passed out on the floor, by her very alarmed mother. I even had one 19-year old male sleep for 36 hours following an attempt by overdose with a bag of his friend’s mother’s Xanax; just to mention a few.
However, it was the visit from Miguel and his mom, an attempted suicide by my youngest patient so far, that got me rethinking my calling as a clinician. The way I see it, I have had a phenomenal career as a clinician, but maybe it is time to do something different. Something still connected to my medical practice, only not quite comprising of staying in the office and seeing patients. Something out in the fields where these hurting patients are. I decided after Miguel, to change lanes a bit and go out into the communities, into the schools and the YMCAs, to meet these children and their parents at their local hangouts and speak to them about this dangerous trend. I mostly tackle bullying, at the elementary and middle school level. Cutting, and ostracization at the middle school level, and then depression and suicide at the high school and college levels. Thankfully, the reception has been phenomenal, and I recently launched my website teenalive.com, as well as started a weekly Sunday afternoon Facebook Live series called “Ask Doctor Lulu” where I discuss hot topics affecting teens.
Raising awareness
I am thankful that I am not alone in my observation of this new trend in mental health issues in the youngest amongst us. Scores of pediatricians and other medical practitioners are also singing the same tune, but I am definitely one of a select few speaking about it in this way. Recent articles like the one from the New York Times stating that suicide rates among African American children aged 5-11 year has doubled in the past few years, help keep me focused on my new (much less traveled) road ahead. I am also acutely aware that the prevalence of suicide has increased among all age ranges (especially the elderly) and all works of life, even amongst doctors, so the work is plentiful, and we could certainly use more laborers in the vineyard. I still practice medicine through telemedicine, and recently got a 3 day a week job with a locum tenens company, all to practice medicine my way, and I am proud to say, traditional medical practice has now become my side gig. I am glad for the opportunity to continue making a difference in people’s lives. And if by my words, at least one child, one teen or one young adult can be saved, then it was well worth it. What do you think?
Uchenna Umeh, MD is a pediatrician with nearly 3 decades of clinical experience. She is a wife and a mother of three sons and lives with her partner in San Antonio, Texas. She is also a blogger and a budding author. She recently quit her 9-5 to start public speaking to raise awareness for child, teen and young adult depression and suicide. You can find her on Facebook and Instagram as “ask doctor lulu” and she is on Linked In and Twitter as Uchenna Umeh.
To hang out more with other amazing women doctors like her, check out the Women in White Coats Doctors’ Lounge, our virtual doctors’ lounge just for women doctors. Its an exclusive membership area meant to empower and support you through out your career. Inside our Doctors Lounge you will get to partake in webinars from experts on topics relevant to women physicians, monthly online support groups and even a book club. To become a member click this link.
WOW! Such a well written article. Loved reading it. Brought me chills when I read about the little boy. Thank you for sharing.
Hi, thank you for reading, the pleasure is indeed all mine…
As a child, all I ever wanted was to talk…
Since God has his own way of making us do stuff, I now get to TALK as much as I want to any who would listen, about this-work of God…ain’t it cool? #allineedisonemic
You are an incredible person. Keep up the good work
Hey Uche!
Glad to reconnect!
Dr. I meh. Thank you for sharing. Your words describe our specialty as Pediatricians so well. I related to everything mentioned in your passage. You should definitely write. You would be a wonderful author. You could document your journey and educate us all about how you are making an impact in society. I would love to follow you. Do you have a blog?
yes ma’am… as a matter of fact I just published a follow up on my journey today! Thank you VERY much for your kind words. My blog is called Words By Black Butterfly. Here is the link to today’s post. https://wordsbyblackbutterfly.com/2019/09/13/dear-doctor-do-u-dpc/
yes ma’am, as a matter of fact, today’s post is a follow up on my journey.
https://wordsbyblackbutterfly.com/2019/09/13/dear-doctor-do-u-dpc/
Dr. Lulu–thank you for so eloquently saying what we do as pediatricians. The heartbreak of our depressed/anxious/suicidal teens is monumental to say the least. I admire you that you have taken on this new challenge–as you will continue to help so many more children and families. Good luck~
Thank you sooo very much… I apologize, I am only now just seeing that the article even made it to print…;)
The work of a pediatrician is the work of God.
Thank you for being you!!! You are in inspiration for your many years of practice and your continued endeavor to help us with this suicide epidemic that has struck our children.
Thank you ma’am!
Indeed, the pleasure is all mine…
Nothing beats appreciation from ones’s peers…☺️
Thank you Dr. Lulu for your 30 yr history of serving “the village” it takes to raise children! As a pediatrician who has taken many different paths, I salute your continued commitment to live and practice on your terms. I found in my last role as an educator and advocate for both state and national healthy and safe practices in child care settings, a very special place for our most vulnerable patients, infants and toddlers. Always looking for that next calling from God as a 61 yr old “outside of the box” pediatrician. You are my kindred sister, God bless!
Yaaaassss!!??
And maybe we should collaborate!
Here is the link to my recent testimony at the Texas State house in favor of House Bill 10…a Bill to increase awareness and funding for mental health initiatives in the state, especially for minorities…!
Let’s connect offline, if you will…
Am on All SO.ME platforms.
Go to 2/27/19, click on Public Health, and I come in at 32mins
http://tlchouse.granicus.com/MediaPlayer.php?view_id=44&clip_id=16343
My name is Zahida Khan I am 78 years old and still practicing primary care Pediatrcian , I have 2 children and three grandchildren and like you I love my job.. my friends and relatives advise me to retire and enjoy now but my job is my life and I do n know what I will do because like you I love my job please advise
Hi!
Works you like to hop on a quick strategy discovery call with me? The first 30 mins are free. No obligations of course. But you certainly can.
Here’s the link to my calendly for an appointment if you like.
calendly.com/teenalive
Dr. Lulu, your blog has hit a raw spot for me. This is my 40th year practicing, and our community in southern California heartbreakingly has seen a tremendous increase in suicide over the last 5 years, mostly in Asian teens. I have joined other non profits to raise awareness, talked regularly in Vietnamese-language media (I emigrated in 1975) and done Resiliency-building workshops for the last 2 years. There is never enough we can do for the families and our patients! Keep fighting the fight and advocating for the families to stay connected and supportive.
Heeeeyyy sister! Your comment has REALLY warmed my heart!
Guess what? Am in talks with another FP doc about coming up there to do one of my workshops!
Please email me! We MUST connect! Askdoctorlulu@gmail.com
I would LOVE to collaborate with you on something! Ironically, my next book is about teen suicide. It chronicles the lives of 6 teens from 6 different sociocultural backgrounds, and their ultimate struggles with depression, drug abuse, suicide etc. However, the Asian teen in my book struggles with ? not suicide…al have to let you read the book to get the rest of the story! Meanwhile, I’d LOVE for you to be a guest on my upcoming podcast! Your story IS needed!! May I pls add your name? Find me on FB, please? Or I will find you!? wow!! Bless you!
Snr Uche, always and inspiration. Well done! And keep up the good work.?
Thanks sis! I love you too…❤️❤️
Wow what a beautifully written account of what we go through as pediatricians. I have only been practicing for a couple of years and already experience a lot of the emotions you describe. We dedicate a large part of our lives to talking care of children and their families, and we become a part of the family in a way as you do eloquently described, which is such an honor but also leaves us wishing we could do more. I so greatly admire the work you are doing in the community. I hope to someday also find a way to bring this message to more children. As we all do as a pediatricians, I take care of many children with depression, anxiety, and suicidal thoughts, including a 7 year old who recently attempted suicide and has a twin who is trying to cope with almost losing her sister and what that even means at such a young age. I have also recently met 2 new transgender patients, each with stories of how their journey to find their own identity has effected their families, one of whom ended up temporarily homeless until another family member took him in. It all weighs so heavy on my heart, and I am so encouraged by your story and that you are finding a way to reach out. Excited to follow you on social media to learn from your experiences. Bless you for the work you are doing!
Hmmmmm, Justine…my sister…thank you!
Thank you for opening the can of worms I completely left out! Transgender issues! Like I mentioned in my comments above, my next book has a character who is a member of the LGBT community, but with a twist…?
PLEASE, connect with me offline! For two reasons; first off; you ARE already a rising star for taking on Pediatrics, and raising future adults…but you are also needed to PLEASE be a guest on my podcast !! I start taping next month, and boy, do we need your voice and your stories??!! Folks NEED to know facts and stories, and feel the pain and agony these beautiful souls go through.. so…will you, please? Am taking your name and searching you up on FB anyways…? TTYS!
My heart is still singing as I finished reading this piece. I am so glad you’re wading into the murky waters of suicide. Thank you Dr. Lulu.
Sure nuff sis. One gats to. Thanks for reading and always being sooo supportive. I truly appreciate it!
Tears in my eyes as I read this. I could have written this, along with so many other pediatricians. It tells our story so well. Thank you for this article and for doing what you are doing. We all need to take back the practice of medicine. Patients and Doctors are suffering.
Yes indeed Cynthia, yes indeed!!
We need to do just that…and that is why I am transitioning into DPC in the next few months…
Let’s do this!
Would you like to connect?
Of course!
Wonderful telling of an amazing saga.
You are too fine a person and pediatrician to find a new groove now.
I have treated many major ABO incompatibilities in East Africa and
know the joy and the heartache of thee infants. My problem was
occasionally registrars who told me of rusty stopcocks (we developed
a different way of doing the exchange) and just not being able to
get untainted blood. Enough of that – you just are too capable and
passionate to chuck it away now – although your mission to carry the word
is admirable – regard depression, bullying, and abusee situations.
I would love to meet you.
Then let’s meet! Am only a DM away on FB you know!
Let’s totally do it! Pls find me on FB! You might be pleasantly surprised at what I have up my sleeves now?
Here’s my email for starters.
askdoctorlulu@gmail.com, otherwise, am on FB, Twitter etc.
FIND ME!
Wow, read your article. Very well written and hits close to home. I too have almost 30 years in Pediatrics come next month. Had to walk away from it in January to breathe. God has blessed me over the years and I feel He is not through with me yet. Feel that I should be practicing it differently. Medicine has become such a business and less of what I went into it for. I really enjoy mission work, but need to be able to make ends meet. Glad to see that you have found another way to be useful. May God continue to bless your work.
Darlene! First off, BLESS you!
Bless you REAL good! Thank you for your service to humanity! Thank you for all those beautiful years of care for the smallest of us all…THANK YOU!
I would LOVE to meet you offline!
Let’s sit and chat for a minute…over OJ!!?
Here’s my email
Askdoctorlulu@gmail.com
As a pediatrician of nearly 40 years, I totally agree with all they sentiment you have expressed. I grew a practice from nothing to 10,000 per month, and I now only provide ADHD/Mental health services through my offshoot, called FastBraiin. Of my 6,000 patients seen per year, 92% go up 1-2 letter grades and most A/B honor roll. It is done by giving them not just hope, but a pathway. I also believe parents and children have lost the “Why” and purpose for living; and maybe they never had it. I spend a great deal of time working on the development of their “why”! Having a sense of spirituality is vitally important, and when at a meeting dealing with CEO’s it was only those giving to other causes who had a sense of purpose and well being! (the amount of money they manage had NO bearing). I must admit, I am also seeing many physicians lose their sense of “Why”!
Good God! Thank you!!
Please read this blog I wrote for KevinMD…https://wordsbyblackbutterfly.com/2018/09/02/physicians-never-forget-your-why/
now on my personal blog…
Listen, I love you for practicing medicine your way. I believe I have adhd, and have had a few talks on it-on a national stage.
I too had a private practice that I watered and manured and breastfed until it gre up to 6K or more patients.
Thanks for sharing your story, albeit briefly. That’s why I would like to invite you to be a guest on my podcast…I know there’s plenty more where that came from. Would you pls? The world NEEDS to know that ADHD is not what the majority narrative is…while my podcast is not about ADHD, it is about Child suicide, and my little friend “Miguel” HAS ADHD. So, am taking your name down, my friend, and finding you on FB?
Thank you for this most revealing and accurate account of what being a pediatrician in this day and age is like. I have also spent 40 years in the practice of pediatrics, and was able to finish my practice doing mostly developmental/behavioral pediatrics. My closest association to a child who committed suicide occurred the day my daughter entered high school. A close friend of hers from our church hung himself in a closet the day before school started, and she was devastated. My wife had to sleep with her that night to be sure she would be safe. We also had the experience of a moment when, at the age of 21 months, one of our grandsons was diagnosed with a place on the Autism spectrum, by us. My wife is a pediatric nurse, and had seen him at 15 months when he appeared to be normally developed, but at 21 months we knew something was wrong. With early intervention through ECI and a knowledgeable developmental pediatric psychologist, he has developed into a child who now is functioning well in a regular classroom. That is all the result of early intervention and ABA (Applied Behavior Analysis). I have been retired for almost 7 years now, and miss seeing the children.
Your article has been very captivating, Dr Lulu. I see a lot of dedication, commitment and passion in you. Keep up the good work, and I hope you find fulfillment in your new passion to curb teenage suicide. Proud of you girl!
I like your passion my dear Uche, keep it up. You are affecting lives in many ways but you may never know the magnitude. You are not only intelligent but also compassionate. I am proud to have a sister for life in you. God will continue strengthening you, continue soaring!!!
Could not have said it any better. Thank you for taking up the new cause. Wish you all the best
Thank you for all you do! As a fellow Pediatrician, I understand the heartbreak and joys that come with the job. Your work is appreciated!
Hi,
As a practicing Pediatrician for close to fourteen years this hits so close to home.
I am a strong advocate for integrated care and empowering all pediatricians to prevent and treat mental illness as we are often the first contact in the medical home.
The reality is that the symptoms of mental illness that present too often sometimes prior middle school and beyond are often signs of the trauma of adverse childhood experiences in the context of biopsychcosocial influences such as you mentioned.
As pediatricians we are increasingly recognizing our role as advocates for the vulnerable population we serve.
It is up to us all to take the lead and begin to make some sense of the predicament in which we find ourselves. It is only after we have done this that we can collaborate with our patients and their parents in providing solutions that are evidence based and will endure the test of time.
I
That was a surprising story. I was sure when you started talking about mental illness that I knew how this was going to end… burnout. It used to be “required” reading, but Law #8 in House of God has never been more true than it is today in pediatrics… “They can always hurt you more.”
I don’t need to preach to the choir about what this mental health crisis is doing to pediatricians, it’s all too well known, but many, if not most, are becoming emotional burned out. To see that you have the strength and drive to recognize the crisis and embrace it with a new focus and energy is really amazing. Maybe it’s your ADHD (1/2 joking), but you and others who are doing this work are beyond reproach. I’m humbled.
Dr. Lulu, this is such an important piece about being a Pediatrician, about the life that we can have and it’s impact, about how our career has so many facets and directions and can provide us with limitless learning and fulfillment. I think that new Pediatricians would be very inspired by your story of caring for your patients and their families for 30 years. We need to continue that model because it works and allows us to really be a part of the care of a generation of children. The field has changed so much over these years-I am 2 decades into practicing and have been able to work in Pediatric ER medicine, hospitalist, nursery and high risk deliveries, from Seattle to NYC to Stockholm Sweden to St. Thomas to Haiti and now to Southern California. Our field requires 3 parts art and 4 parts skill and a whole lot of love and patience. I would not trade my experience for anything. I am truly excited by your challenge to bring your knowledge and experience to the field-I think that you will make huge and positive changes that way. I too would like to do some things differently now-I would like to bring back the old and do house calls especially for newborns. I think that there is so much we can teach and really get parents off to an excellent start to raising their children while keeping everyone healthy! Good luck to you in your endeavors! Maria.