What’s it like being married to another physician and for him to be called Dr. while you are called Mrs? Dr. Anu Kathiresan explains what lead her to write her article on the topic and to start a hashtag campaign #ThatsDrNotMrs.
Dr. Anu Kathiresan is a Board Certified Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility Specialist at the Center of Reproductive Medicine in Houston, TX. She is married to a neurosurgeon. She can be followed on instagram @anukathiresanmd.
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Hooray for the women! Although retired now, I was a practicing cardiothoracic surgeon, my husband an emergency room physician. I never let it bother me. I would chuckle, however, when he was referred to as “Mr” with my last name..
I’ve always been Dr. This and Mrs. That. Now retired after 43 years of ObGyn I’m pretty much Mrs. That. It’s worked ok for me tho sometimes I miss the Dr. This…..
I am also called “Hon”, “Honey”, and “Dr. Lois”. I am not amused.
I would reply,”Sure, Pops”. That usually stopped them.
I used to reply “That’s Doctor Honey”.
Good job! I am one of those BOOMERS. My hubby and I studied side by side at Columbia College of P&S and then I completed a grueling residency. So I lived this. And though being Dr. and Mrs. could have been tolerable if all of the other more damaging and demeaning aspects of the culture had not been present, they were. These ranged from my questions about why younger male colleagues were receiving more income (1989) receiving the response: “they have wives and children”, from I would like to be promoted to Associate Prof (1992) to “you shouldn’t ask, you should wait for me to suggest it” (even though this was only achieved by being so unbecomingly aggressive)….OK. I wasn’t ladylike and I was honestly told “you have a nose for money” (oh yes, I am Jewish). Anyway, I became a Professor and did receive equitable pay and it was quite unpleasant getting there, but I hope I did a good job, because a job well done can be its own reward.
Well it’s Dr not Nurse or Housekeeper!
Not making light of these lived experiences nor the fact that I typically introduced myself as “Dr.” to make it clear that this was my role since it was not always assumed as it was for my male colleagues, I wanted to interject a funny story and perhaps a plug for military medicine. My husband and I graduated from the same medical school in 1986 and went on to do joint residencies in pediatrics, where fortunately there are generally more women providers. Because we were in uniform, pay depended entirely on our rank and specialty. We subspecialized in different areas and became staff in a residency training program. Throughout our careers we were known as Dr. Mr. Pedersen and Dr. Mrs. Pedersen for accurate identification.
Anita, that reminds me of the German system, of “Herr Doktor” or “Frau Doktor” to address physicians of each gender, whether the physicians are married or not. It is a way of offering extra respect to one who has worked so hard to be a physician.
I have lived this for 35 years.
Thousands of time I have been called Mrs. to my husbands Dr. I thought it would get better, but sadly not enough.
Now I have made a vow to always correct the incorrect title 100 percent of the time. I do this kindly and politely, but I don’t let it pass. Ever. If an organization keeps making the mistake after I make the effort to rectify the situation I give them a few chances and then I stop donating or associating with them.
I feel like I have lived my career with my husband getting total respect and overall me very little. This is sad as my daughter is now also an MD and she is experiencing the same gender bias in the hospital and out in the world.
I have two personas and this has worked for me quite well as I keep my work life and private/family life as separate as possible. I am Dr. at work and everywhere else it I feel that it pertains. And Mrs. about everywhere else. My husband is not a physician and the discussion of becoming “dr. His-last name” never came up (it did for some of my friends ), not that I would have gone for it anyway. My daughter liked having a mom who was, until recently, just her mom in her circles of friends. After 33 years in practice, it is not an issue and there are folks who are now friends who were former patients that still just call me “Doc” –and we are all good with that. And my daughter is now a D.O. who says “she got it from her mama”.
This was fabulous! I am a boomer and practice psychiatry. My husband is a social worker, so we’ve often attended conferences together, but also like to go on cruises. Being called “the Mrs.” has always bothered me, especially when he is referred to as Doctor, even on cruises. I guess that some of this may be displaced anger since many, many people don’t know that psychiatrists have gone through medical school, and thus are able to treat patients from a mind-body perspective. I’ve made it my mission to educate, not by being angry, but by being assertive and using humor.
I as well have endured being called nurse (being in with a patient when the nurse was actually a man – he was called Doctor) and by other male physician colleagues addressing me in front of patients by my first name and not doctor.
Has changed a bit, but as a Geriatrician some of my male patients try to call me(or still do) by my first name instead of the doctor name they call their male physicians.
When someone calls me Mrs. I tell them I’m doctor and I don’t think you want Mrs treating you. They get it right away and never call me Mrs. again.
On the flip side, I was much more excited and amused than my non-physician husband, Mr. Jeff Mohr, when we received an invitation to a hospital function addressed to “Dr. and Mr. Valerie Bell”
My doctor husband and I expected some issues. We agreed to keep our maiden names to not be too confused and because my family had no male heirs. But we were both happy when at the other’s events to be Dr and Mr. Lux, or Dr. and Mrs. Archer. Now that I’m widowed, still miffed that some insist I give myself a Mrs or Miss title. No other option. It’s nobody’s business if I’m married, single or widowed. I have had male colleagues that were furious that I didn’t take my husband’s name. I didn’t meet him until my junior year in Med School. I wanted to honor my family.Getting better, but a long way to go.
In my general experience,the public never returns to Mister for a retired male physician. Retired male physicians are forever referred to as Dr.
However a retired female physician, like myself, is more likely to be addressed as Mrs, or Ms., which I generally and gently correct, although it seems off-putting to the speaker.
Same with invitations. It remains Dr. for men, and becomes Ms. or Mrs. for women. Maybe it is different elsewhere, but I doubt it.
After retirement, “She used to be a Dr,” while “He is a Dr.”
When asked what I “do” I say “I am a recently retired physician,” no matter how many years have past!