I am the face of early career female physician burnout.
And I fought it so hard
Until I realized that in order to overcome this foe, it wasn’t me that was broken. It wasn’t me that need to be fixed. It wasn’t something inherently wrong with me.
I was working from a place of exhaustion and overwhelm.
My wellness reserves had been long tapped out years ago.
For me, the emotional exhaustion came first. It was a sneaky one.
“I was just tired.”
“I just need to start exercising/eating well/going to church again.”
“It’ll get better once I can (fill in the blank with the many things we know we should do).”
It crept into my life, home and work without notice. I blamed having small children, transitioning, the commute.
Then, my spectrum of emotions narrowed and dried up. I no longer felt happiness as deeply as I once did nor could I accept others displays of affection. It felt as though I was getting numb, apathtic despite trying to feel. I didn’t go to medicate with prescriptions, drugs or alcohol. But my mind, as a protective measure, was slowly infusing me with numbness.
Except for angry. Anger got bigger, thicker and so did cynicism. I didn’t even recognize some of the words spewing from my mouth.
Last, settled in on me the weight of ineffectiveness. Was I even helping others? What do I really do with my day? Is this all my life is going to be? If this is really my purpose, why do I feel some empty? What is my purpose?
I was frustrated all the time by everything
And Hopelessness.
Hopelessness was the worst. Sunday nights I dreaded. My flicker of hope was dying.
Until, I was told “This does not define you, Errin. You define yourself. Redefine yourself. Throw the rulebook away and start over. You control your life. You. are. not. stuck.”
My story continues but I wanted to share my depth of burnout so you know you are not alone.
Acknowledge your own burnout and if you want to talk to someone who understands and came out the other side, I got your back.
Errin Weisman, DO is a life coach, podcaster & all around badass mother in southwestern Indiana. Besides being sassy, she enjoys getting mud on her shoes, teaching her children to catch tadpoles and reading a great fantasy novel. Her website is truthrxs.com or hang with her on instagram for laughs and encouragement @truthrxs
