We had a date planned.  I was going to wear a red dress; a nice break from unisex sky blue scrubs. He planned to take me out to the House of Blues in Chicago. I had never been and was excited to go. After all, a trustworthy recently engaged friend set us up. Like everyone else of value in my life, she thought I was “wasting away”. She believed if nothing was done, my ovaries and its follicles would magically dry up. That my youthfulness and its potentially bright family oriented future would not occur.

Dating a doctor can be hard. We are often gone, away within the walls of healthcare facilities for consecutive hours at a time. This is worse during years of training and when it comes to interpersonal relationships it can be misinterpreted for lack of commitment, prioritization or no love interest. Tadacip 20

But, I was on an emergency medicine rotation that month. The day started off well but by 5 pm several gunshot wounds and trauma casualties rolled through this ER on the South Side of Chicago. I didn’t have to stay but I chose to learn by helping out the residents. Reciting the Hippocratic oath is just the beginning of the loyalty expressed towards our patients. For every patient we say “Yes” to, it gets easier and easier to continue to say “Yes” during the next patient encounter. The perils come in when the choice is made over family and loved ones.

Dating a doctor is not for the faint of heart. There will be lonely nights, late nights, seemingly single parenting days, childless holidays and moments when you feel like you come in second in line to the one you treasure the most. But before you give up on “Doctor Bae” I will like you to remember these next few points. Hopefully you’ll find more grace to extend to your love interest.

1)   Medicine is a paramour. The greatest sidekick of all times. Doctors make the decision to stay at work willingly and unwillingly instead of pursuing a social exploit because altruism comes natural to us. I use the verb “choose” because we are not helpless. We know exactly what is most important. And sometimes that is a person with whom we have no prior relationship.  Typically, someone else’s child, father or lover. The irony is we understand the value of everyone else’s relationships while unintentionally putting ours at risk. When you date us, give us more grace, appreciate our selflessness and you will continue to gain our undivided attention. Buy Xanax online

2)   Quality over quantity rings true. At work we are faced with difficult life and death decisions daily. This means time with the love interest may be sparse at first but special. Dating is already complex even for non-medical people, add a stressful job with sometimes life and death situations, sleep deprivation or demanding schedule and that may break a budding union. Whatever time we carve out to spend with our loved ones are fully cherished and immersive. Our interpersonal relationships easily rise up to the list of priorities with our patients.

3)   Support for our work will take you a long way. Sabotaging a relationship could come easy when there is something else like “meaningful work” to focus on. It’s not that we don’t love, it’s just that the work invested is not worth professional failure.

4)   We actually really do care about our family and loved ones. We want you to remember that. Every night away we think about you and how you feel, we want to spend more time with you. We really do. When we come home tonight, give us a hug and tell us how much you appreciate the work we do for others

If you were wondering, I never made it to the House of Blues that night but I got to assist my seniors and learned new techniques to serve someone else in the future.

Dr. Nina Lum is a family medicine hospitalist living and practicing in London, Kentucky. She is a co-author in the riveting tell-all book “The Chronicles of Women in White Coats.” She is also a lifestyle and education blogger at www.ninotswalk.com as well as a health and wellness columnist for the Sentinel Echo newspaper in London, KY on a column called “Doctor’s Corner.” She can be found on Instagram @theencouragingdoc.