The one constant in life is change and I’m making a big one. It’s hard to be in the position of realizing that what you love to do is negatively impacting your loved one–ME! I have always grown up believing that as a woman I could have it all—and foolishly believed that meant at the same time. I don’t know where it is I got the idea from—certainly not from my mother! But someone planted that seed and I allowed it to grow unfettered and unchecked and it became an overwhelming weed in my life garden.
As black women we are held up to be this pinnacle of strength; we can handle whatever comes our way. We are considered impervious to harm and HER-oic when facing adversity. Taking a step back and looking at my life and circumstances continuing on my path with its current adversities is causing me harm—I’m the loved one that is negatively impacted. My son is thriving due to my care and the care of loved ones; but I am not satisfied with only 1.25 hours daily with my son during the work week. This is impacting my mental health and when facing that in the mirror one choice emerged—a break. Certain situations also transpired in my life around this time to bring this moment to fruition and provided confirmation that while this change is a scary transition it is a necessary and vital move.
While I love my career in medicine I am finding it difficult to balance the demands and needs with that of a single mother. There are women out there that are doing it and rocking it but currently I am not one of them.
As I have aged I have realized that my having it all at the same time is not realistic for my life in this instance. While I feel horrible abandoning my patients it is a matter of self care. If my cup is empty how can I continue to pour into them? I need to put my own oxygen mask on first! What this all looks like—I have no idea. What my plans are—the Lord will reveal.
But as a planner I do know what is on my schedule for tomorrow—my son and I are going to Krispy Kreme so he can experience his first doughnut! 🍩.
Kharia J. Holmes, MD is a mother, daughter, sister, friend, and internal medicine physician who lives in Maryland. She enjoys making patients and others laugh because laughter is truly the best medicine. Her ImPerfect Life and Shenanigans can be caught on Instagram @TheImPerfectMD and her thoughts, fashion, and life story can be read on her blog www.TheImPerfectMD.com